Struggles

A butterfly cannot be a butterfly unless it struggles out of its cocoon. The struggle empowers the butterfly by allowing the fluid from its body move to the wings. And then the newly transformed creature can take flight. I heard this story during children's time at church today and it struck a chord with me. A dissonant chord. Not the part about the struggle. I understand that. All my life I've heard and experienced firsthand that struggles make you stronger, that God is with me as I struggle. And even though I may not see the value in the pain, somehow I always have a story to share of His goodness. After it's all said and done, I come to understand the why, the reason, the bigger plan. What I cannot come to terms with is how do I pray while I'm in my coccoon, awaiting, struggling for my transformation, my miracle? Am I being selfish in asking specifically for something I really want? Praying for His will to be done can conflict with what I want. I know that. Not now... not at all... in His time... you'll see... there's a part of the picture I cannot see right now.

Bring all your cares... Seek and you will find... Knock and it will be opened... I don't know how. His will or my specific request? Should I ask specifically and pour my heart out?

Maybe I'm afraid of disappointment. And the mechanism of self-preservation, of protecting my heart from ache kicks in and I start asking questions and doubting.

Faith. I need it in great measure.

my destiny

i may not be destined for greatness
and that's okay with me.
my decision today is to follow my Creator,
and in doing so i will fulfill my destiny.
that decision just took my destiny from
mediocre to awesome.
now to experience the journey that will take me there.