"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." -Dr. Seuss
Yesterday I moved my work possessions from my old desk to my new work area. It was an event that had somewhat of a spiritual significance to me. As I combed my way through files, documents, office supplies, and other sundry items that I don't remember hoarding, I caught glimpses of my growth over the years spent in my department. And what can I say about myself for the last 12 years? Well, I think I care a lot about those who work with me and have worked for me. My employee files were filled with notes and events showing how much I planned for their professional development. My work files detailed the processes I created so that my succesor can take over without too much explaining. That made me happy.
And I love food. I have olive oil, many different kinds of tea, sugar, even flavored syrup in my desk. I have a whole little drawer full of side items to enhance my breakfast/lunch. That made me smile.
All throughout the week, I received texts, emails, cards, cupcakes, hugs and smiles, and goofy gifts from my colleagues as they expressed their sincere thoughts about our time together. I'm only moving across the office area, but I'm going to dearly miss the daily interactions, the cutting up and total loopiness that have made work seem less like work and more like fun. Teams like that take a while to develop, if at all. That made me feel nostalgic.
Affirmation that my decision is following in God's will for me came from my employees, as they expressed their gratitude for working with me and for me, reassuring me that I'm being fashioned for something else. I am honored to be shown such kindness and love. This makes me feel humbled.
Change comes at a price. I think I've gotten a great deal.
sábado, febrero 11, 2012
viernes, diciembre 16, 2011
For such a time as this...
Eleven months ago was the last time I wrote in my blog, I'm ashamed to admit! Eleven months of challenges, some heartache, and lots of growing up. And no blog posts to document the adventure. Oh well, at least I have Facebook to look back on. :)
The mortality of life is so obvious to me now. Not that I've been faced with death or anything in the last 11 months, but I am so much more aware of how fragile we are, heartbeats away from non-existence. Aging fascinates me more. I watch others age. I take in other's physical attributes as they change over time and compare it to what's happening to my body and mind. I pray my body is kind to me as I get older.
Encountering crossroads has been my favorite habit this year. Life altering decisions keep popping up to the point that they just make me want to crawl back into bed and be 4 years old again. And still some decisions keep being put off. Maybe if I keep dragging my feet, it will be too late and life will continue down Humdrum Lane. But that's the coward's way of handling tough situations. And I'm no coward. And I don't live on Humdrum Lane.
So I took a leap of faith a few months ago. Unhappy with the lack of development and support in my small department, I applied for a position within my company that is right up my alley and away from what I've been doing for the last 12 years. And I was honored with an offer. The years of schooling, as diverse and long as they have been, was part of why I was considered for the position. If someone would have said to me 15 years ago that a Chemistry, accounting, and a teaching degree would land me as qualified to join a training and development team with a leading automotive manufacturer, I would have laughed in her face. But there's a reason for the round-about approach to my career. Every job I've had since I began my working career at the ripe-old age of 18, God has miraculously placed me. In retrospect, I can trace an invisible but firm hand lead me from company to company, team to team, city to city. And now, in 58 days I will join yet another team.
I pray that I make a difference here, not just in what I do for the company, but in how I do it and why I do it. My legacy will not be based on how many projects I successfully complete, but in how many lives I impact in a positive way, a Godly way. For who's not to say that I have been prepared all my life for such a time as this.
The mortality of life is so obvious to me now. Not that I've been faced with death or anything in the last 11 months, but I am so much more aware of how fragile we are, heartbeats away from non-existence. Aging fascinates me more. I watch others age. I take in other's physical attributes as they change over time and compare it to what's happening to my body and mind. I pray my body is kind to me as I get older.
Encountering crossroads has been my favorite habit this year. Life altering decisions keep popping up to the point that they just make me want to crawl back into bed and be 4 years old again. And still some decisions keep being put off. Maybe if I keep dragging my feet, it will be too late and life will continue down Humdrum Lane. But that's the coward's way of handling tough situations. And I'm no coward. And I don't live on Humdrum Lane.
So I took a leap of faith a few months ago. Unhappy with the lack of development and support in my small department, I applied for a position within my company that is right up my alley and away from what I've been doing for the last 12 years. And I was honored with an offer. The years of schooling, as diverse and long as they have been, was part of why I was considered for the position. If someone would have said to me 15 years ago that a Chemistry, accounting, and a teaching degree would land me as qualified to join a training and development team with a leading automotive manufacturer, I would have laughed in her face. But there's a reason for the round-about approach to my career. Every job I've had since I began my working career at the ripe-old age of 18, God has miraculously placed me. In retrospect, I can trace an invisible but firm hand lead me from company to company, team to team, city to city. And now, in 58 days I will join yet another team.
I pray that I make a difference here, not just in what I do for the company, but in how I do it and why I do it. My legacy will not be based on how many projects I successfully complete, but in how many lives I impact in a positive way, a Godly way. For who's not to say that I have been prepared all my life for such a time as this.
sábado, enero 22, 2011
When Fina was forty...
Lately I've wondered what my mom was like when she was my age. The thing is that I remember when she was this age. When Fina was forty, she left behind a town full of old friends and relatives and ventured into the jungle of dreams and fortune that Florida offered. My parents, my 12 year old brother, and I, at the wise age of 17, packed up a huge truck with all of our belongings, said good bye to the ghetto, travelled over 1000 miles so that for the first time ever, we could be homeowners, proud of the accomplishment that blood, sweat, and lots of tear had gotten us. Decades of hard work had finally paid off. We left our heavy coats behind, a lifetime of friends, and countless memories to begin a new life full of dreams and adventure. Fina was forty then. I am forty now. She had two children, almost grown (I swore I already was), first time homeowner, and wife for 18 years. That was pretty much it. Doesn't seem much, but she had a good life and was happy.
I am 40 now. I have no children, been a wife for 16 years, a homeowner for 10 years, have an extensive college education, a decent job, and have travelled some of the world. I don't know if I can pack up and move far away like she did, but if it's in God's plan, I hope I would be okay with that. Do I have the same level of contentment that she had when she was forty? I don't think so. I think I question more and therefore I am much more restless. I long for simpleness but complicated is all I know. My mom doesn't question God's will for her, she just goes with the flow. I, on the other hand, need to know why and when and where and how. Too impatient, too controlling.
Fina just turned 64. She is older and wiser. She still lives in that same house we moved into 24 years ago, and has made another lifetime of friends and countless memories since then. I hope I've reached her level of accomplishments and contentment when I turn 64. And I hope she's around so we can laugh and talk about it all. Just like we do now.
I am 40 now. I have no children, been a wife for 16 years, a homeowner for 10 years, have an extensive college education, a decent job, and have travelled some of the world. I don't know if I can pack up and move far away like she did, but if it's in God's plan, I hope I would be okay with that. Do I have the same level of contentment that she had when she was forty? I don't think so. I think I question more and therefore I am much more restless. I long for simpleness but complicated is all I know. My mom doesn't question God's will for her, she just goes with the flow. I, on the other hand, need to know why and when and where and how. Too impatient, too controlling.
Fina just turned 64. She is older and wiser. She still lives in that same house we moved into 24 years ago, and has made another lifetime of friends and countless memories since then. I hope I've reached her level of accomplishments and contentment when I turn 64. And I hope she's around so we can laugh and talk about it all. Just like we do now.
miércoles, enero 12, 2011
Psalm
As I get older and experience life's realities, I appreciate more how David the Psalmist expressed his joys and sorrows. He wrote from his wrenching gut; his anguish spilling over the parchment as he wrestled with God. He marveled and cried, he sang and danced, he pulled his hair and ripped his clothes and wept. He was a maniac, emotions swinging left and right as a crazed pendulum; jumping from fear and anger to disbelief and awe. And yet he connected with God in a very personal, public way. I can relate to all his emotions, I've experienced so many in the last 6 months of my life. Grant it, I'm not physically persecuted by my enemies, but I do feel as though the enemy is pursuing me, my family, my home, trying to close in on me and bring me down. I wrestle with God: show me, help me and yet I know His will requires action. But which way, where? How do I know? How did David know? As I rummage through the corners of my heart, I listen.
My Lord, You long to be my Protector and Provider to my every need.
Trust me, You say.
Don't get so caught up with what's important to those around you.
I argue that my plans are quite ordinary. They are simple. I don't ask for much.
But you can't see, He answers,
That My vision for you is beyond the imaginable.
It's not that you will be famous or well-known or well-liked.
Your achievements are not to be measured by human standards,
That is not how I work.
My plan requires for you to wholly and completely submit yourself to Me,
Because I know your full potential.
And because only I can convert your potential into actuality.
Release your fears to me.
Include me in your every decision.
Consult Me. Talk to Me. Cry to Me. Shake your fists at Me.
I will not let you down.
I will teach you how to accept My will.
And the fulfillment of My plan will be your destiny.
Trust.
My Lord, You long to be my Protector and Provider to my every need.
Trust me, You say.
Don't get so caught up with what's important to those around you.
I argue that my plans are quite ordinary. They are simple. I don't ask for much.
But you can't see, He answers,
That My vision for you is beyond the imaginable.
It's not that you will be famous or well-known or well-liked.
Your achievements are not to be measured by human standards,
That is not how I work.
My plan requires for you to wholly and completely submit yourself to Me,
Because I know your full potential.
And because only I can convert your potential into actuality.
Release your fears to me.
Include me in your every decision.
Consult Me. Talk to Me. Cry to Me. Shake your fists at Me.
I will not let you down.
I will teach you how to accept My will.
And the fulfillment of My plan will be your destiny.
Trust.
sábado, agosto 14, 2010
Hands
"Who touched me?" He asked. It seemed like a ludicrous question, especially since the crowd was thick and pressing. But it was a different type of touch. Her faith was revealed as she simply reached for the hem of His robe and gave it her last shot at complete healing. And her faith was rewarded. No words were spoken, but her life was forever transformed because her hand reached out to God.
Hands are amazing instruments. They can express emotions louder than words: screaming anger, whispering comfort, silently crying, or writhing in pain. With my hands I can tell you that I love you, by hugging you when you're in need of a friend. Or by cooking you a meal when you're down and out, writing a message with encouraging words, giving you a high-five when you've jumped a hurdle. Putting my hands together, I can pray for you, asking the Lord to cover you with His peace.
With my hands folded under my cheek, I sleep peacefully at night, surrendering my fragility to His care and resting in the hope of tomorrow. With my hands, I reach up and let You lift me, pulling me from depression and sluggish surroundings. With my hands I plead my case, knowing that you have already saved me, justified me, and what I'm experiencing is just part of the process of sanctification.
I wonder what my hands will look like in heaven. No more sickness, pain, and sin. My hands no longer pleading, instead relishing eternal love.
Hands are amazing instruments. They can express emotions louder than words: screaming anger, whispering comfort, silently crying, or writhing in pain. With my hands I can tell you that I love you, by hugging you when you're in need of a friend. Or by cooking you a meal when you're down and out, writing a message with encouraging words, giving you a high-five when you've jumped a hurdle. Putting my hands together, I can pray for you, asking the Lord to cover you with His peace.
With my hands folded under my cheek, I sleep peacefully at night, surrendering my fragility to His care and resting in the hope of tomorrow. With my hands, I reach up and let You lift me, pulling me from depression and sluggish surroundings. With my hands I plead my case, knowing that you have already saved me, justified me, and what I'm experiencing is just part of the process of sanctification.
I wonder what my hands will look like in heaven. No more sickness, pain, and sin. My hands no longer pleading, instead relishing eternal love.
jueves, julio 22, 2010
Dejected
There are two rules I try to follow when I write and it spills over into how I try to live my life. Number one, don't start a sentence with the word "I". Number two, make the message as positive as possible, even if it means rewriting and it takes twice as long to draw it out of my heart. Applying these rules to my life means that I try to not talk so much about me, about what's going on in Joy's world, but more about how Joy is interested in what you have to say and what you're involved in. What makes you tick. Every time we connect, it would be so awesome if when we parted ways, you would feel so uplifted that your problems would bring on a different perspective and life would seem just a tad better.
I want to break my rules today. I need to talk about me and how my heart is hurting and feels empty. I'm always looking for the approval and friendship of everyone around me and so I don't take rejection well. The enemy knows this and is using it as his weapon of choice. So much hurt and chaos abounds and it's dragging my spirit, clawing at my heart, infiltrating my thoughts. My mind spins when I sleep. Questions. Distance. I want to solve problems and make everything better. Even now I don't say how I really feel. If I did you wouldn't recognize the author. Expletives, doubt, fear, loneliness. How could someone so full feel so empty? I know the solution but there...is...no...energy...left...
I want to break my rules today. I need to talk about me and how my heart is hurting and feels empty. I'm always looking for the approval and friendship of everyone around me and so I don't take rejection well. The enemy knows this and is using it as his weapon of choice. So much hurt and chaos abounds and it's dragging my spirit, clawing at my heart, infiltrating my thoughts. My mind spins when I sleep. Questions. Distance. I want to solve problems and make everything better. Even now I don't say how I really feel. If I did you wouldn't recognize the author. Expletives, doubt, fear, loneliness. How could someone so full feel so empty? I know the solution but there...is...no...energy...left...
sábado, abril 10, 2010
Plugging In
The mind is a lonely place for thoughts. Think about it. Unless they're transported through some medium such as art, music, writing, or just talking to your best friend, those thoughts are just stored up in our brain, taking up space that could be used up by... more thoughts! That's a problem I have. I think too much. And the older I get, the more I think. And since I'm getting older, I'm supposed to be getting wiser too, so that means my thoughts should be thoughts of wisdom, sense, and quiet strength. Not always the case, let me tell you.
So let me share my thoughts from today. I was not very proud of myself, because my thinking was heavy and sad. As beautiful as the day promised to be: Sabbath, spring in full swing, fellowship with friends, an energizing sermon- I unfortunately have not been nourishing my soul to help me dispel the loneliness that accompanies a person who is not connected to God. Though I have money in the bank, a beautiful brand-new roof over my head, a caring and loving husband, parents in great health, a well-paying job; I have health and education, freedom of speech and religion. Though I'm not too bad looking and funny & witty at times, that vacancy in my heart that I've filled with so much keeps opening up like a sink hole. The only thing I know that sticks in it is God. And God has been absent from my life for some time now. I get a little bit here and there - from a good sermon or 30 minutes of reading a week. But I have not been delving, pouring myself, ruminating. And it shows. My attitude stinks and I find no pleasure in what I do.
So instead of sulking over the emptiness that has taken a hold of my joy, I walked to the small park 2 blocks from my house. I grabbed a blanket, a book, some crocheting, and put together a playlist of encouraging songs to drown out the lovely sound of children screaming and having fun. :) And I wrote in a journal. I wrote things that I wouldn't tell anyone because I don't want to offend, because I don't want you to know how mean and stinky I can be. Except Kevin - he unfortunately gets the brunt of my bad attitude and tantrums. So he's already experienced some of what I wrote. But my thoughts - that's between me and God. But I will share this post today to keep me accountable. If I'm to bless and be blessed, I need to be fed. And that means not "drinking Diet Coke with a meal full of fat calories" as the preacher said today. It means plugging to God's Word daily and filling that void with His love so that when darkness and solitude and depression threatens my joy, I am connectedly full and able to dissipate the clouds of selfishness. I need to practice what I preach. Life as I know it, as good as it seems, will not always stay that way. And only those who have sought strength and experienced first-hand God's bounty and grace will be able to come out triumphant. Peaceful. Loving. Merciful. Caring. I want to be all those things.
I have challenged myself today, after spending the afternoon in the bliss of spring and good music, and after turning inward and realizing that what I've seen, I don't like. I have challenged myself to pour some serious God-ness and fill that sinkhole for good. As much as I train my body to run long distances, I have a race that I'm currently running that requires some serious training. And this crazy junk food diet I'm on is not going to cut it.
Help me, Lord.
I'm calling out to you.
I can't do this alone.
In Jesus' name.
Amen.
So let me share my thoughts from today. I was not very proud of myself, because my thinking was heavy and sad. As beautiful as the day promised to be: Sabbath, spring in full swing, fellowship with friends, an energizing sermon- I unfortunately have not been nourishing my soul to help me dispel the loneliness that accompanies a person who is not connected to God. Though I have money in the bank, a beautiful brand-new roof over my head, a caring and loving husband, parents in great health, a well-paying job; I have health and education, freedom of speech and religion. Though I'm not too bad looking and funny & witty at times, that vacancy in my heart that I've filled with so much keeps opening up like a sink hole. The only thing I know that sticks in it is God. And God has been absent from my life for some time now. I get a little bit here and there - from a good sermon or 30 minutes of reading a week. But I have not been delving, pouring myself, ruminating. And it shows. My attitude stinks and I find no pleasure in what I do.
So instead of sulking over the emptiness that has taken a hold of my joy, I walked to the small park 2 blocks from my house. I grabbed a blanket, a book, some crocheting, and put together a playlist of encouraging songs to drown out the lovely sound of children screaming and having fun. :) And I wrote in a journal. I wrote things that I wouldn't tell anyone because I don't want to offend, because I don't want you to know how mean and stinky I can be. Except Kevin - he unfortunately gets the brunt of my bad attitude and tantrums. So he's already experienced some of what I wrote. But my thoughts - that's between me and God. But I will share this post today to keep me accountable. If I'm to bless and be blessed, I need to be fed. And that means not "drinking Diet Coke with a meal full of fat calories" as the preacher said today. It means plugging to God's Word daily and filling that void with His love so that when darkness and solitude and depression threatens my joy, I am connectedly full and able to dissipate the clouds of selfishness. I need to practice what I preach. Life as I know it, as good as it seems, will not always stay that way. And only those who have sought strength and experienced first-hand God's bounty and grace will be able to come out triumphant. Peaceful. Loving. Merciful. Caring. I want to be all those things.
I have challenged myself today, after spending the afternoon in the bliss of spring and good music, and after turning inward and realizing that what I've seen, I don't like. I have challenged myself to pour some serious God-ness and fill that sinkhole for good. As much as I train my body to run long distances, I have a race that I'm currently running that requires some serious training. And this crazy junk food diet I'm on is not going to cut it.
Help me, Lord.
I'm calling out to you.
I can't do this alone.
In Jesus' name.
Amen.
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