When Fina was forty...

Lately I've wondered what my mom was like when she was my age. The thing is that I remember when she was this age. When Fina was forty, she left behind a town full of old friends and relatives and ventured into the jungle of dreams and fortune that Florida offered. My parents, my 12 year old brother, and I, at the wise age of 17, packed up a huge truck with all of our belongings, said good bye to the ghetto, travelled over 1000 miles so that for the first time ever, we could be homeowners, proud of the accomplishment that blood, sweat, and lots of tear had gotten us. Decades of hard work had finally paid off. We left our heavy coats behind, a lifetime of friends, and countless memories to begin a new life full of dreams and adventure. Fina was forty then. I am forty now. She had two children, almost grown (I swore I already was), first time homeowner, and wife for 18 years. That was pretty much it. Doesn't seem much, but she had a good life and was happy.

I am 40 now. I have no children, been a wife for 16 years, a homeowner for 10 years, have an extensive college education, a decent job, and have travelled some of the world. I don't know if I can pack up and move far away like she did, but if it's in God's plan, I hope I would be okay with that. Do I have the same level of contentment that she had when she was forty? I don't think so. I think I question more and therefore I am much more restless. I long for simpleness but complicated is all I know. My mom doesn't question God's will for her, she just goes with the flow. I, on the other hand, need to know why and when and where and how. Too impatient, too controlling.

Fina just turned 64. She is older and wiser. She still lives in that same house we moved into 24 years ago, and has made another lifetime of friends and countless memories since then. I hope I've reached her level of accomplishments and contentment when I turn 64. And I hope she's around so we can laugh and talk about it all. Just like we do now.