In Gratitude

Gracias. Thank you. Merci. Grazie. Obrigado. No matter what language I use, the word "thanks" conveys a meaning that is far beyond just a few consonants and vowels. It can be powerful, full of emotion, or a simple polite courtesy. Here in America, we have a whole federal holiday devoted to this action-word. It brings families and friends together for fellowship and a meal. Across the country, people hold hands, share stories, kiss babies and cry over recently and not-so-recently lost loved ones that aren't present to share in a day of thanksgiving. But do we always have to be thankful for something? Can we just be thankful, period? Is thanksgiving something we can experience without attaching it to a moment, a person, and act? I don't know.

Why am I thankful? Prior to my near-death experience last year, was I truly just thankful? My experience with carbon monoxide changed my whole life forever and it has tainted my thanksgiving forever, literally and symbolically. Literally, I am thankful because Thanksgiving Day 2005 I lay in an oxygen chamber, breathing pure oxygen in super gulps, trying to expel the carbon monoxide molecules that had obtrusively attached themselves to the hemoglobin in my red blood cells. Symbolically, I am eternally thankful because I was given a renewed contract on life. Literally, I am thankful because a few days after my accident, I couldn't even run a few miles without feeling like my lungs were going to explode, even after having run 15 miles the week before. And just this past Thursday, on Thanksgiving Day, I broke a personal record and ran the Atlanta Marathon (1/2 marathon course) in 1 hour and 55 minutes. The whole time I ran, I was thinking "At this exact time last year, I was in the hospital!" and here I am, free, running, my powerful lungs intact. My hubby, also having been exposed to CO and in greater danger than me that day, was waiting at the finish line with open arms and the biggest smile on his face. (Also waiting for me at the finish line was my buddy, Arjeany, who got up with us at 4 a.m. to see me off and then stayed up the whole 24 hours that day when we went shopping at midnight!!!) This race was so special to me. Personal record or not, I was celebrating life with every step.

So, because of my experience, I can't just be thankful. I have to be thankful "to" and "for". Thankful to God for giving me life, eternal life that is. Whether my life would have been terminated a year ago or twenty years from now should not matter. I am grateful because I have the knowledge that I am loved and I have been saved by He who shapes my future and holds my past. I am and will always be, eternally grateful.